I’m a mother and my name is Erika.
I have three children, if you see me, I have five children, if you know me.
Someone would say that I have three babies on Earth and two babies in Heaven.
A few years ago I was in front of my PC, my hands were shaking and my heart pounding.
I was about to click on the section that defined my condition:
I didn’t know anything about baby loss, until it happened to me.
The general perception is that it’s JUST a misfortune.
Nobody talks about it. It’s not a topic for conversation, or to ask advice about. However, it’s an event experienced by many women. Many of them take it as a personal failure, a shame to hide.
I clicked the button: a world of pain opened up before me.
I stayed there for a while, I felt all that pain, I realized in that moment that I wasn’t a normal mother. I was somehow seen as a loser-mother. I felt divided between normal and abnormal maternity, I was an outcast in the motherhood world.
Since then, I wrote and published a book, I wrote and published several articles on my blogs and I met many mothers like me: mothers divided between normality and abnormality.
At each post published on social networks, my followers usually commented:
I can’t forget.
I can’t believe we are so many… some of us hidden in maternity outcasts world and others hiding in plain sight, in the normal motherhood world, acting like nothing happened.
I think that labels don’t help us.
To divide motherhood in sections produces a distorted reality.
I don’t know what is really normal, but I know what happens frequently, what happens in the outcast world: babies die.
I’m a mother like any other.
I’m a happy mother like any other, insecure and sometimes scared as every other. I lose patience and at the same time I’m able to tap into unexpected resources like any other.
I love my children, everyone, present and absent ones, like any other mother. Every child is a part of me. Each child has made me who I am. I enjoy my life with each of my children, every day, and see them for who they are.
I wish to be able to speak about me and ALL my children, without having to jump the fence, from one world to another.
I want to find a place where it’s obvious and accepted that I can’t forget…
I want a place where normality is what happens in both worlds…
I want a place where every mother can feel good, everyday: not divided any more, not abnormal any more, not alone any more.
Here I’m trying to build such a place.
If you want to get in touch with me, send me an email at:
Translation by Carmen Innocenti (www.hypnobirthing4u.org)